Today I've been forced to come to terms with the fact that I'll be on my anti-nausea medication (Zofran) for the entire pregnancy. My doctor has already told me this, but I thought I was making progress and might be able to stop taking the meds. The dose is very small now and I'm only taking one pill per day. Over the past 6 weeks I've attempted 3 times to stop taking that one little pill. Each time the result has put me back on the bathroom floor. My third and final attempt was on Saturday. My body managed to go without the drug for 48 hours this time before breaking down and putting me in the bathroom this morning. At 20 weeks along in the pregnancy now my hormones have hit their plateau and will remain at this level until I give birth. Then they will go back down to normal within 7 days after the twins are born. My only drive for stopping the medication is thinking about unknown long term side effects the drug may have on the babies. But, I guess I have to weigh the positives and negatives. The drug is allowing me to eat and stay hydrated, which directly effects the nutrition and growth of the twins. Therefore, three strikes and I'm officially staying on the Zofran.
Emotionally, I'm just hanging in there most of the time- not great, not horrible, but just trying to maintain a somewhat normal state of being. Obviously, if the hormones are so high they're causing me to vomit still, they are also messing with my mind. In a given week I'll have 6 good days and the 7th day will be very hard. On the 6 good days my head is up and I'm happy and feel grateful for the gift of having twins. On these days I'm able to control the nausea, hang out with Ethan and Nick and maybe get out of the house for an errand or take Ethan to preschool. Though on the 7th day of the week I'm exhausted from working so hard to be positive and control the sick feeling. This day is my "pity party" day, and all I can do is wallow in my misery of sickness, sadness and isolation and wish for the time to pass faster.
I am really looking forward to the upcoming holidays- family, friends, food and a wonderful distraction from the daily life to help time pass a little faster.
